Friday, February 27, 2009
Back when all the old people were kids, they played cowboys and Indians. Basically a version of cops and robbers I guess, never really got the difference other than the racism. In any western movie you watch cowboys and Indians didn't get along to well. Now it wasn't exactly like the movies but it is at least a little bit true. So why would the Indians want to dress up like cowboys? That would be like an American dressing up as an Iraqi and walking down the street. Well maybe not that extreme lets say Russian because it's not a current enemy. Still though, if there is something that is thought to be the opposite of your people why would you want to be that. Are these people abandoning their own heritage? If so why are they blaming it on us? I think we all need to take a break from being what we're not and go to a zoo and see some penguins.
Lets face it, recession is here, we can all feel it. My town is particularity hit right now, a lot of people work in mills which are shutting down and a lot of people have been laid off. I personally am not really effected because I work at Tim Hortons. It is our annual contest, Roll up the rim to win. Now explain to me, how in the hell can this year be as busy as last year when there is no money? Personally instead of paying 1.53 for a coffee, I would go home and brew a pot using probably less than 1.53 worth of coffee and have a whole pot. Even if I only drank one cup and threw the rest out I would still be saving myself money. People cut back on eating out, but why not on drinking out? they spend just as much proportinally as they do on eating out.
There are no squirrels in Ireland which leads me to believe it is the leprechauns who are at fault for no penguins there. We need to make sure we contain the leprechauns in Ireland for leprechauns deserve to live just as much as penguins. Ireland will therefore be declared a leprechaun safe zone, any leprechaun found outside of Ireland will be immediately transported back to Ireland. It is the only way to keep our cute little penguin friends safe from the Leprechauns. In order to execute this plan, we need to find all leprechauns and tag them with trackers. If they leave Ireland it will then be easy to find them and bring them back.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
There is a problem facing our plan to see cute little penguins other than the weather, SQUIRRELS! These furry little rodents are everywhere and own everything they would never let our cute little friends here. Why do you think the penguins were driven to the cold in the first place? We must take action, everyone go out and buy a slingshot or BB gun, we must bring their tyrannical reign to an end! People have done this in other parts of the world and the penguins re-took certain tropical regions of the world. But we must be wary there are other furry rodents out there wanting to take control…if they do the world will be a never ending Hamster Dance Song! Penguins must rule the animal kingdom or we have failed!
How many times have you been mad that someone was arrogant only to realize they are stupid as well? Unfortunately it happens a lot in this world, mainly with bosses and people we don't like. I say we fix this problem. How, you might ask? Simple, the next time someone (especially your son or daughter) is being arrogant, smack them with an informational book and tell them to read it. It won't solve the arrogance problem but they'll be smarter at least.
When was the last time you saw a penguin walking down the street? I feel that quite frankly we don't see enough of these cute critters. What we need to do is accelerate the next ice age to solve our lack of penguins problem. When all the world is the perfect habitat for penguins all one has to do is live near water to enjoy them. So please, help me accelerate the next ice age so we can have PENGUINS!